Have you ever wanted something so bad you physically ached? And when you get it your whole being goes into freak-out mode? Be honest.
Five years ago this morning was one of those moments for me.
Our family was in the midst of Gustavo’s adoption process. Believe me, it had been quite a ride. We were matched with him in June when he was just 9 days old. The adoption process shut down during the summer months. We didn’t know if we would ever bring Gustavo home. Even scarier, we feared he would be placed in an orphanage and never have the security and love of a family. When the adoption process opened in the fall we shouted for joy and began the hope that he would indeed join our family. We prayed he would be home by his first birthday.
In November 2003 I gave myself a stern lecture. Even though my heart was breaking with my baby still in Guatemala, I realized I had 3 children at home who deserved a joyous holiday season. I committed to try to stop worrying about the adoption until January. While this was easier said than done, my intention was sincere.
As we drove to Thanksgiving dinner my thoughts wandered to Guatemala as I stared out the car window. I felt Mark’s hand squeeze mine as he gave me the “it will be ok” look. This mama’s heart had a hole in it that would not be filled until a chubby little brown-eyed, black hair Guatemalan baby boy was home.
Fast forward to Monday morning after the Thanksgiving holiday. Mark worked from home that morning and sent me out Christmas shopping. You know those moments in your life when, no matter how much time has passed, you can remember every second? I was shopping in the electronics department at Target when my cell phone rang. Caller id informed me that it was our adoption agency. A million thoughts ran through my mind in the nanosecond it took me to answer my phone. The director of the agency was on the other end and simply said “You’re out of PGN”. To those involved in Guatemalan adoptions you know exactly what this phrase means and the significance of it. To all others it simply means the adoption has been approved. Our boy was coming home!
As the words sank in I stopped breathing – literally. I then blurted out the first thing that came to mind, “Are you sure it is our case?” Oh, client of little faith! Yes, the agency director assured me that she was absolutely certain. Well, bring on the ugly cry. This is the point that my brain realized what I had been aching for was coming to fruition. The freak-out mode hit high gear. Try to picture me standing in the middle of the electronics department at Target, cell phone in hand, clinging to the shopping cart, trying to remember to breathe, and crying in a very ugly manner. The agency director on the other end of the line gave me time to collect myself. I wonder if the Target employee briefly considered calling security about the woman having a nervous breakdown in his department?
After asking a few important questions I hung up the phone and called Mark. I could barely get the words out from crying and laughing. I’m sure he was a bit frightened on the other end of the call. His wife was losing it and it took a few seconds for him to realize it was all wonderful news! Little did I know that morning when leaving with a heavy heart that we would be in Guatemala in 13 days bringing our boy home. Life changes in an instant.
Due to the adoption being in jeopardy throughout the process I had done very little shopping for a new baby. There was no baby bed for Gustavo; Marco slept in the current crib. There was no car seat. I needed to get busy!
As soon as I ended the celebratory phone call with Mark I headed straight to the baby department and shopped like a maniac. I had my own baby shower right there in Target! With each packet of onsies, baby bottle, and package of diapers I threw in the cart I wanted to shout out to every person “OUR BABY IS COMING HOME!!!”
So today is a special day. In all of those sleepless, worrisome, frightening moments of Gustavo’s adoption I needed to take a deep breath and realize that while I had no idea if that call would come God did. God knew the exact moment of the joyous telephone call and the exact moment Gustavo would sleep in his new baby bed in Ohio.
The Monday after Thanksgiving will forever be a day of celebration in our home. I should have taken the kids to Target this morning to honor the moment! Yeah, I am just that obnoxious…
2 comments:
I also remember having to frantically finish a scrapbook in a few days that I thought I had until late spring to finish!!!
We love our Gus!
I spent some time the other morning reading through the scrapbook that you made. It brought back so many memories. I can't wait until Gus is old enough to really enjoy reading through it. ;)
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